Answered Prayers

Grandma went in to talk to her oncologist today. They talked about how Grandma is done with treatments and she didn't want to take this pill that would hopefully retard the growth of the tumors. It wouldn't have shrunk them, but it would hopefully slow the growth. Well Grandma has a friend who is on said pill and the side effects are not worth it. As I have said before, it's the quality, not quantity, at this point. She was, however, open to any experimental drugs that might be out there. As she said, if it will help someone down the road survive to spend more time with their families, she is willing to try it.

Grandma and the oncologist talked about what to expect. I won't go into detail, but she knew what was ahead of her as she left the doctor's office.

When Grandma got home, there was a message on her answering machine from the receptionist, Donna, at the oncologist's office, asking her to please call Dr Bruno as soon as she got home. So Grandma called and they put her straight through to the doctor. Dr. Bruno answered the phone with the question, "Barb, do you believe in angels?". "Yes", Grandma replied. "When you left this afternoon, "something" kept telling me that I needed to look into this more, that this couldn't be the end for you. So, I went and got all of the scans and looked them all over again. The radiologist was wrong, Barb. They were reading the original scan, not the recent one. Your tumors have, in fact, shrunk by 25-50%. Would you be willing to start chemo again on Wednesday so we can beat this thing?" Did she really have to ask that?!?!? OF COURSE SHE WOULD DO IT!!!

My grandmother, with a new sense of hope, will be restarting her chemo on Wednesday. One of my wise aunts once told me, "When God answers prayers and gives you a miracle, you never ask why, you just simply say THANK YOU." THANK YOU, GOD. THANK YOU to EVERYONE who has said even just one prayer for my grandma Barb. THANK YOU for just this little ray of hope. THANK YOU for more time, even if it is only a couple of months.

THANK YOU!!!!!

Chances

I had the chance to go see my ailing Great Uncle today. However, upon my arrival, he was being prepped for surgery. One which they aren't so sure he is strong enough to survive. I guess we will know in just a few hours. I do think that God had a plan. I don't think that I would want to remember the sick Uncle Melvin if, God forbid, something happens. So... I am thankful, yet again, that there is a Higher Power at work here that knows better than I.

My "little" brother in law

I give him a hard time because he is younger than me by a whopping three months. I tell him to respect his elders. I enjoy making him laugh. I love his Johnny Bravo. I love his wife more than she will ever know. I love the unborn baby in her tummy. I love that my "little" brother in law is allowing me the opportunity to be an aunt again. I have always loved him like he was one of my own siblings. We have had several wonderful, deep talks throughout the years. We have had some pretty heated arguements too. The arguements have always ended with one or the both of us crying and trying to call the other one back through a busy signal because the other one is dialing too (something I wish my dear husband would try just once). He is unarguably my favorite in law.

So, although small and missing several things I love about you, here is to you, my Joshy!! I love you and thank you for all that you are for me and my children. Thank you for making me think about things just a little deeper. A little sillier. A little more..... like I want to think.

Faith

My parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncles all gave me the best gift as a child that anyone could have ever asked for; Knowledge of God. We went to church EVERY Sunday. Our big ole family took up at least half of the small country congregation. Grandpa and Grandma ALWAYS sat in the same pew. Week after week, they were there. Grandpa would sleep through half of the service. No, that's a lie. Through MOST of the service. When he would start snoring, Grandma would give him a little jab in the side and he would stop. He wouldn't move, wouldn't open an eye, and really, his breathing pattern never changed.... but.... the man could recite the entire sermon to you during our Sunday meals in the North Room of their house. EVERY SUNDAY. Like clockwork. Big, yummy meals that I have only recently been told by my mom that Grandpa would get up at 5 am to start cooking for all of us.

I can even remember trying to take a little nap in my pew. My mom would get so mad at me. My brother, too. And we would agrue that Grandpa could sleep and Grandma didn't get mad, why couldn't we?? She would answer simply: When you can stay awake and tell me what the sermon was about, I will let you try and sleep through it and tell me what it was about, like Grandpa can. We never got the chance to try and sleep through church.... we couldn't even tell her what the sermon was about most days.

It's these stories and this Faith in God that gets me through life to this day. Without the trust that I have in God and my family, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. I am strong. And I know Who is in control.... not me..... Him. Makes things a lot easier to take when I remember that I just have to lay it all at His feet, and Thy will is done.

Amen.

Day #1

I am so thankful that I made it through today. I didn't have a single cigarette. I knew I could do it. And I did. Was it easy? No. However, I feel very empowered at this point, like I could do anything and conquer anything. Once this is all over, it's on to conquering Grandma's sickness. She isn't doing well at all this time around. I'm going to help her. I WILL do this, too. I have to. No options. If she passes without my trying to help her get better, I will never forgive myself. If she passes even though I was there to help, I will at least know that WE gave it our all. She will NOT do this alone.

Long story short, I am thankful for battles won. Granted it's just the battle, not the war. But each victory is wonderful in and of itself!

LB

My Great Grandma Boyle's initials were LB. My grandma and great aunts used to call her Lard Butt. LB really stood for Lorraine Boyle. And now, those initials, and the mean nickname hit home. LB today isn't my Great Grandma's initials, it's my favorite store in the whole world. The one place I can shop where they all know exactly how I feel and how desperately I want to look as good as those tiny ass size two's even though I will NEVER, even in a casket, be that small.

So, today I am thankful for retail therapy and NORMAL people who KNOW how I feel! Pretty comes in all shapes and sizes. Thank God I am not the only person in the world that knows that!

Family

I know I say this a lot, but I honestly have the coolest (and one of the largest) families in the world. I really mean that. Today, after a rather crappy morning, I went to the grocery store to get some snacks for Addison's class and a gift for her teacher. They had some gorgeous mum plants on sale. I hope she likes purple mums. They really are beautiful. I almost bought one for myself to brighten my own day. However.... it turned out it wasn't needed. As I was walking out of the grocery store, I noticed a Peterbilt pickup in the parking lot. I thought about going back in and decided against it, as the kids were already all buckled in. As Fate would have it, as I was backing out.... sure enough.... there was my Uncle Mike. I LOVE UNCLE MIKE!!!! I rolled down the window and hollared at him and we chatted for a couple of minutes. I love my uncles. They ALWAYS brighten my life. ALWAYS. There is never a dull moment when one (or all) of them are around! Thank God for little surprises like Uncle Mike at my new grocery store raving about their meat and produce!! I told you it was AWESOME!! ;)

time off

I am so thankful that tomorrow is FINALLY the last day of school. It has been long awaited. And this summer I will actually be able to do things with my kids since I won't have a housefull 24/7 of daycare kids. I will still have kids, but the hours will be less since their schedules revolve around the school year too. YAAAYYY SUMMER!!!

Rain

Muddy puddles, a nasty bathtub, steaks on the grill, and smiling kids. Need I say more???

Time

As of last night, I am thankful for the gift of Time. We have been given a little more time with Grandma, whether it's a few months or a few years, doesn't matter. We have it. And making it count is what matters most. QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY.

In correlation to this, I am thankful for my support team. Without support and cheering on, life would REALLY suck. Thank God for such great friends and family. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Note to self: It's gonna get hard. Read this over and over and over to help cope and remember that for now, you have the time, but that wont' last forever. You know this now.... remember it when times get rough!!

a hard one

Today it's really hard to think of something to be thankful for. Grandma's cancer is back and it could be really bad. As of right now, if she does nothing, she will be with us approximately 4 months. That's not enough. She HAS to do SOMETHING. She HAS TO. Why?? BECAUSE I SAID SO, that's why. She has too much to live for. PERIOD.

So, I decided that today, of all days, I have to find something to be thankful for so I make it through.

I am thankful that I have had almost 30 years with such a great woman. She has been so many things for me in my life. A grandma, a friend, a confidant, a room mate..... everything and more. She has been the glue that holds this family together more times than not. She has also been my link to knowing what I missed out with my grandfather that passed away almost 30 years ago. Everyone that knows her knows how wonderful of a person she is and how big a void would be left in this world without her. I thank God for every day that I have been blessed with her in my life.

book keeping

today i am thankful for my terrible book keeping skills when i WANT something. notice i said WANT. not need. WANT. screw it. i am a mother of three children and a wife to top that off. i never do anything for me. today, i did. and it feels good. no... it feels GREAT. i don't even care if a bill doesn't get paid until next week. i don't. I DO NOT CARE. i may care tomorrow, but today, i am thankful for my stupidity! ;)

Aching feet

Tonight as I reflect on all that I have accomplished in this day, I have a few things that I can say I am thankful for.

Aching feet. I can't believe I am going to post this on here, but I currently have a few plantars warts on my feet. Both feet. They are being treated with acid. I have been going up and down stairs today like a mad woman. And my feet? They HURT. They are literally killing me and I most likely won't get any sleep tonight. Why am I thankful for aching feet? Because it means that I have two legs that work and that I have accomplished a great many things with them today. And also that the acid is working and I will only have to endure the pain a little while longer.

Empty totes. Because it means that my children have had and have beautiful clothing, whether new or hand-me-down, and haven't had to go without. It also means that there are other children out there who will have beautiful clothing that their parents may not be so lucky to buy. You see, these clothes that my children have outgrown are all being donated. Some to Goodwill, some to Salvation Army, some to the City Mission, and some to the Catholic Social Services. Yes. My three children have THAT MANY clothes. The sick thing? I have gone through over 15 totes today alone of their clothing. This does not include the 10+ that I went through on a weekend about 6 months ago and donated. It's sick, really.... I love eBaying for kids' clothes and I get great deals and waaaaaayyyyyy too many clothes!!!

DVR and a cold beer. Because now that my personal torture session is over, I will be sitting and watching Grey's Anatomy and a couple of soaps and it's off to bed. Only one beer.... not gonna kill the diet and I DESERVE IT!!! ;)

Last but not least.... the person(s) that can read my thankfullness and think, "Hey, yeah! I am thankful too!" at the end of what was otherwise a VERY bad day!!!

The PERFECT neighbors

Tonight it's a really big chore for me to find something to be thankful for. It has just been a day. Found out tonight that an old neighbor (old in both senses of the word. She is elderly and she has moved out of the neighborhood) is in ICU and will NOT be making it out alive. My husband is gone until Thursday. They don't even think she will make it through the night tonight. A "friend" was here tonight when I found out and she didn't offer to sit with the kids (who were already in bed) so that I could go say goodbye to this wonderful little old lady that used to be such a big part of my days and nights. I could write a 20 page blog about Lillian, but I digress.....

Then, as I was getting kids ready for bed, I was washing little hands and faces and they were brushing teeth, one of the many nightly routines, and as I went to get a towel out of the closet, a freaking roach ran out of it. I almost passed out. The people that used to live in the other half of our duplex were, to say the least, nasty dirty and disgusting people. When they moved out, the leasing manager told me to keep an eye out for roaches because they had found so many over there that they were certain to come here once they moved everything out. Sure as s***, they appeared. Again, I paniced. My husband isn't here. It's too late for me to load up the kids and go to the store. I won't be able to sleep, feeling like I have bugs crawling all over me.

I called one of my dearest friends and neighbor, Adriann, to cry over the phone for a minute. I told her of Lillian. Once we were done crying about that, I told her about my day. She, without my asking, volunteered to go to the store and get me a bunch of the "roach motels" so that I can at least get a start to the issue at hand. I didn't even ask her. Heck, I hadn't even THOUGHT to ask her!! She just came right out and said that she and Mike would run over and get me as many as I wanted. I said clean off the shelves!!!! LOL!!!

So, today, like many days really, I am thankful from the tips of my toes to the top of my head for the few TRUE friends that I have in my life. If it weren't for people like these, I would perish. No questions asked.

My husbands flub ups

Ok. This is mean. I know it is. But, I am thankful for them, none the less.

Last year for Mother's Day, my husband bought me a bike. It's what I REALLY wanted. I also wanted an infant seat for it so that our youngest could ride with me while the older two rode their bikes. So, he got me that too. It was wonderful. All summer the kids and I rode bikes. We went everywhere. We rode around the block at least three times a day.

Then, this April, not one year after getting my bike, someone stole it off my front porch. They walked up, while the lights were on not only in my house, but in the neighbors, and took the bike off of the porch. This is a HUGE risk, as I am a smoker and I am outside quite often smoking once the kids are in bed and I am doing chores. They did it, though. They made away with my beautiful new bike and infant seat. Not only was I crushed, so was my 3 year old. I called the cops and all that jazz. It hasn't been returned.

So this year when my husband asked me what I wanted I said a new bike. The same one I had. Nothing fancy, but perfect for me. I got online and looked and it was on sale!!!! A $300 bike for $130!!!! So, he went in to town STAT and got the bike (and a chain). When he got to Toys R Us, the bike was actually $70!!!! EVEN BETTER!!!! YAAAAYYYY!!!!!

Here is the funny flub up.....

So, he gets home and starts assembling the bike. He had some problems last year with this chore, since he had never had to do it before on an adult bike. This year, it was like he was a pro! Had it done in about 15 minutes compared to last years two hours. LOL!

The bike was assembled and he was airing up the tires. I was sitting here posting the previous blog. I hear this BANG!!! LOL!!!! He blew the innertube on the front tire!!! I have a new bike, but I can't ride it!!! So, needless to say, it stinks because he is gone for three days and I won't be able to enjoy my bike while riding it in the nice cool spell we are having right now, but I am happy that I got such a good chuckle (behind his back, of course) over it all!

sunshine on my shoulders.....

Makes me HAPPY! I have a slight red tint to my shoulders from sitting outside all day with the kids. Am I complaining?!?!? NO!!!! It makes me happy! Even though winter is by far my favorite season, one of the main reasons I love Nebraska is our ever changing weather and seasons. Going back out to enjoy some more. Have a happy Friday and an even better Mother's Day!!

Hard one

Today is hard to find something to be thankful for. Seems as though everything I have tried to do has gone to..... well..... shit.

So, today I will say I am thankful for the sun. It has been rainy and cloudy and poopy here for a week or so and for the last few days the sun has made appearance. It's been wonderful. **sigh** If only I felt better so I could enjoy it to it's fullest.

hmmmm.....

Today I am thankful for.......

my freshly cut lawn

the new fish in my children's aquariums (even though they are keeping the kids awake at this point)

my arse aching, because it means i actually got off of it today

my bed and soft pillows and comfy blankets.... all of whom i will be joining shortly, after a few chores and walking on the treadmill


have a blessed rest of your day and tomorrow to follow!

Oh happy day

I have decided that in order to succeed in a happy life, one has to focus on the happy things EVERY day and give thanks for those things. Today, I am happy for:

My daughter Jenna's laugh. I can't get enough of it. She just makes me smile. Even when I am mad at her and think, "This is why tigers eat their young", she does something that will make me smile and forget why I am angry with her. She is a spitfire. I want to be like that again.

My daughter Addison's wisdom. This child is so smart. Today she used the word.... now I can't remember the word.... but it was a rather large word for even an adult to use right, and she, as a first grader, used it perfectly. Now I won't be able to sleep until I think of the word. Oh well.... at any rate, I am thrilled to be a part of watching her grow into such a bright individual.

My son Zachary's sense of humor. Tonight at the supper table he was talking about the Ding Ding man's truck and if it was square or rectangle. I said, "Rectangle". He said, "Squaaaaaarrrrrrre?!?!" in a way that made the whole table laugh over and over the rest of the evening. He is a wonderful stress relief.... most days.

My husband's work ethic. I know I complain that he isn't home very much. But I also think that is what makes our marriage as strong as it is. I hate it when he is gone, but it also helps me to enjoy (sometimes) the time that he IS here with us. Tonight he and Addison cooked supper and it was just plain..... wonderful.

Last, but not least, the sun came out today for the first time in apprximately 4 days. After 4 days of rain (totals around 8 inches), the sun made an appearance, thus making it hard to want to watch all of these movies we rented because of the fact that it was raining. **sigh** We will watch the rest of them tomorrow. I hope.

Thank God for the good things in every day. There is always at least one thing to be happy about.